A weekly guide to carry the conversation beyond Sunday morning.
Begin by asking God to create a safe space for honest conversation and to reveal areas where the group can grow in their private pursuit of Him.
Question: Share about a time when someone did something kind for you anonymously or when you didn’t expect it. How did it make you feel?
Leader Tip: This sets the tone for discussing genuine generosity without seeking recognition.
Question: Pastor Terry shared his conflicted feelings about holding the door open for someone and then feeling both uncomfortable and pleased when she made a scene about it. When have you experienced this tension between doing something good and wanting recognition for it?
Context from Sermon: Terry talked about standing at the restaurant door, purposefully waiting to open it for a woman with a cane. When she made a scene saying “just when you thought there was no decency in humanity,” he found himself both embarrassed and secretly pleased. He confessed, “I was the guy that opened the door.” This internal conflict reveals how even good deeds can be tainted by our desire for recognition. Jesus confronts this dysfunction in us—we do good things, but our hearts can quickly turn toward self-promotion rather than pure generosity.
Leader Tip: Encourage vulnerability here. Admit your own struggles with wanting recognition. This isn’t about shaming anyone but recognizing our shared human tendency.
Question: Jesus says “don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.” What do you think He means by this extreme language? How might this apply practically to your life this week?
Context from Sermon: Terry demonstrated this with Tom and the berries, showing how when both hands give, both hands “know” and can celebrate themselves. But when one hand gives while the other is behind your back, there’s a humility and detachment from self-congratulation. Terry spent an hour thinking about why Jesus would go to such lengths with this illustration. The point is to live so humbly and unassumingly that we’re not even internally keeping score of our own generosity. We’re to “rightly detach” the broken, dysfunctional parts of us that seek praise—even self-praise. This is complete self-forgetfulness in our giving.
Leader Tip: Ask the group to think of specific upcoming opportunities where they could practice “one-handed” generosity. Encourage concrete examples.
Question: Terry mentioned we often have “a roster of memories of our generosity.” Why do you think we hold onto these memories? What does this reveal about what we’re really seeking?
Context from Sermon: The pastor challenged the group to consider whether they keep a mental record of their generous acts—either to receive praise from people or to keep score on rewards they think God owes them. He pointed out that many of us have accumulated “trophies” throughout life that are really just cheap knockoffs of what truly matters. He emphasized that “our Father in heaven does not give out temu trophies”—God’s rewards are good, eternal, and immensely valuable. But if we’re holding onto memories of our generosity, we might be looking for the wrong kind of reward or missing that the greatest reward is the Father Himself, not just blessings from Him.
Leader Tip: This can be a tender area. Remind the group that God’s reward isn’t material prosperity but His nearness, His smile, His presence—which is greater than any earthly reward.
Question: On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the consistency of your private prayer life? What barriers keep you from establishing or maintaining this rhythm?
Context from Sermon: Jesus expects that we will be people who pray privately. Terry asked, “To what extent do you pray privately? And is it a rhythm that is not dependent upon chaos?” He noted that many people only pray when life is out of control, but Jesus desires a regular, anchoring prayer life that isn’t reactionary. Terry shared that his most meaningful moments with God have been in private—moments no one else knows about. He also observed that in men’s groups over 25 years, he’s watched men grow in their comfort and confidence to pray, and you can tell when someone has been practicing privately because their public prayers overflow from that private foundation. He grieved over missing God’s goodness because of a lack of discipline in private prayer.
Leader Tip: Don’t let this become a shame session. Instead, focus on practical steps: What time of day works best? What location? What barriers can be removed? Consider partnering people for accountability.
Question: Terry said Western culture has made fasting something it was never intended to be (like “fasting from social media”). Have you ever practiced biblical fasting (food restriction)? If so, what was your experience? If not, what holds you back?
Context from Sermon: The pastor was intentionally direct: “Historically, all throughout the Bible, fasting was only and always tethered to food. It was food restriction.” While restricting other things isn’t bad, biblical fasting specifically involves not eating physical food so we can feast on spiritual food—God’s Word. Terry shared that the moments when his insecurity and self-doubt are most quiet—actually muted—are when he has a rhythm of fasting. He said, “There are mountains that are moved in your life and my life when we have that established rhythm. I’m talking significant mountains.” He also confessed that early on he wrongly told people he was fasting out of excitement, but maturity taught him to keep it private.
Leader Tip: Some may have medical conditions that prevent fasting. Focus on the principle: replacing physical consumption with spiritual consumption. Encourage those new to fasting to start small (skip one meal) and use that time intentionally for Scripture and prayer.
Question: Terry shared about watching his daughter Olivia play drums and how her face lit up with a toothless smile when she realized Dad was watching. How does this picture change the way you think about doing things “in private” for God?
Context from Sermon: Terry described sitting on the couch while Olivia played drums in the basement. There was a difference when he was just looking at the floor listening versus when he opened his eyes and fixed them on her face—she gave him “the most beautiful toothless smile” because “Dad’s watching. Dad’s not just in the room. Dad’s not in the room critiquing… Dad’s in the room for no other reason than delighting in what I’m doing.” He challenged the group: “What if we brought that thinking and approach as adults? What if we did that in the way that we live this life that we’ve been given in reference to our Heavenly Father?” The reward isn’t material—it’s knowing you’ve made your Heavenly Father smile, and “it hits at soul level.”
Leader Tip: This is a beautiful, tender picture. Let it sit with the group. Ask: “What would change in your daily life if you really believed God delights in watching you pursue Him privately?”
Question: Share your response to the GrowCard challenge: What is one private, sacrificial act of generosity you’ll do this week? (Optional: Share only if you’re comfortable, recognizing the tension of keeping it private while also encouraging one another.)
Context from Sermon: Terry humorously called the assignment “blessing ninjas” and “generosity ninjas.” He encouraged people to predetermine an act of generosity but make the work be in keeping it private. He said, “That’s where it gets fun. It’s not a burden to make it private. That’s where you’re like blessing ninjas.” The instruction was to have a quick conversation with Holy Spirit and ask, “Help me see what’s going to move your heart this week.”
Leader Tip: Navigate this carefully. The beauty is in the secrecy, so don’t pressure people to share. You might say, “Let’s take a minute in silence to write this down or commit it to memory, and then we’ll pray for each other to follow through—without needing to know what everyone else is doing.”
Three Challenges from This Message:
Leader Challenge: Model this yourself. Share (briefly) that you’re committing to these practices too, but don’t give details. Let your group know you’ll be praying for them as they pursue God privately this week.
Option 1 – Leader-Led Prayer: Pray specifically that each person would:
Option 2 – Popcorn Prayer: Invite anyone who feels led to pray one sentence asking God to help them in their private pursuit this week.
Option 3 – Prayer of Salvation: Close with the prayer Terry led at the end of the sermon (see below), inviting anyone who needs to recommit their heart to Jesus:
“Dear Heavenly Father, right now I give my heart to you. My desire is for Jesus to be alive in my heart. As I pursue you privately, produce good fruit publicly. Thank you for your goodness. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
A weekly practice you can do beyond Sunday morning.
Share a time you did the right thing even when no one noticed. Ask: “Why does God care about what we do in secret?”
A weekly practice you can do beyond Sunday morning.
Do One Righteous Thing in Secret
The Challenge: Intentionally do something generous, prayerful, or sacrificial that no one knows about.
Rules:
Concrete Action:
